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34. Seminar for Two
34. Seminar for Two
“Suicide should be painless,” says Dan, sitting facing Ali, across his black-leather, 1-meter-square-top bridge-table. They sit at far end corner of Dan's living room, giving a view out window south over the wide, green Parkway, which, this July Sunday afternoon, is filled with bench sitters.
“We may refer to what I plan as rational suicide. I prefer voluntary termination; or self euthanasia with a little help from a dear friend.”
“ 'At's me,” says Ali who likes to keep the heavy subject light.
“Allow me to present this as a seminar for two.”
“Like the good old bicycle-built, in the song?”
“Yes. But first let us enjoy the Morphine. I find it helps my mind.”
Ali gets up and goes to kitchen and brings back a vial of Morphine that looks like a miniature jar – thimble size - with shiny metal-rim rubber cover into which a needle can be plunged, after an alcohol wipe, to remove a dose for injection. The vial can hold 20 cc of fluid - less than a small whiskey-shot glass. She stops at a wall cupboard and gets out two glass hypodermic syringes the size of her index finger and the #25 needles – very thin; the "#25" is from the 1/25th inch external diameter. The needles and syringes, have had earlier boiling and are cleanly wrapped. Ali prefers each person prepare a personal dose so after withdrawing 0.2 cc from the vial into her 1 cc syringe, she hands Dan his syringe and watches to be sure his old eyes do not mistake. It is etiquette for each to wait for the other and then do the injections together. Also it allows the drug effect at the same time. Ali will use her left front thigh today. She prefers thigh because arm is sometimes sore from the injection. Dan prefers arm because he worries a shot in thigh will make his already weak-walking worse.
The injection is subcutaneous, meaning just under skin into the underneath fat, and it is easy because the short needle cannot inject deeper into muscle which would cause soreness for days. The very thin needle gives a nearly painless injection.
Now Ali and Dan start what Ali calls Suicide Seminar.
Dan says, "'Painless' includes the mental pain of fear of the physical act."
"So that leaves only medicine that puts you to sleep, don't it?"
"Yes, my dear, I studied the question years ago. I spent time at the medical library."
"Yeah, and had you asked about how to make the suicide painless, they woulda put you in the mental ward."
"Exactly. Well, the best drug is phenobarbital. It is used as sleep pill, sedative, blood pressure medicine, and against epilepsy. Safe and inexpensive. Starting years ago, whenever I visited my physician, I collected the 15 mg phenobarbital pill prescriptions and now, if you look in the refrigerator, you'll see in the back bottles of many-hundreds of pills, which, under the cool, unlighted condition will be effective indefinitely. "
"But you would need to take a lot a 15 mg pills for the'barb to do what you want, nes pas?"
"Yes, my dear. Actually the death dose is not certain because - as you might guess - there have been no experiments. From studies of persons who have succeeded and others who have failed where the doses were known it is certain that 10 grams would be overkill."
"Ten grams! If you use 15 mg pills, that's a lot a pills for one try!"
"To be exact, it is six hundred-sixty-seven."
"How can you swallow so many? Won't they get vomited?"
"Yes, if you took them at once. But, keep in mind, the phenobarbital will take as long as three days before last breath of life - and after taking it one has several hours of consciousness. So even if I am alone I could swallow divided dose several times down to 100 pills at a time. A 15 mg pill is like the sprinkling on a cake."
Dan pauses and reaches his right hand across the table to Ali's left cheek. "Oh, my dear, I am feeling the Morphine. So pleasureful - in my wrists, knees, abdomen! Oh! Oh! It is hard to consider suicide when I feel so good."
Ali gets up, goes to Dan and stoops to hug his head to her chest. They have been sitting totally bare, as is their way on a hot July day alone. She knows his feeling; she had it once but now her feeling is changed because of tolerance from long use.
After a long silent hug, she goes back to her chair.
"OK, Dan. I get the picture, But where do I come in? And when?"
"My dear, dear Miss, I have thought a long time about everything that could go wrong. The first thing to keep in mind is that if I do not succeed, I shall not be able to accumulate the pills again and I shall be put in an institution. Also we have to consider the time factor. Phenobarbital works by getting into the blood from stomach and going to the brain and dimming the respiratory center so that breathing slows and, finally stops. From cases that have succeeded or failed, an outer limit of seventy-two hours should be given from swallowing the pills to final breath. Some have recovered by being discovered within the seventy-two hours and nursed back, So it is important it be done under conditions where I won't be missed.
"Seventy-two hours!" Ali exclaims. "Speaking about painless, don't that give you mental pain - what is happening during that time?"
"It will be like falling into deep sleep - nothingness, a blank. So if one succeeds and the blank nothingness of the coma-like sleep ends in death, it is like one has died the moment one falls asleep."
"But don't you worry you might get nightmares?"
"No, my dear, dreaming is a phenomenon of very light sleep - just before one wakes. Drug deep sleep is dreamless."
"If you say so, Dan. And as long as you're convinced - that's the important thing." Ali pauses. "Well then, it seems to me your best chance will be to do it at start of a long holiday weekend?"
"Precisely. In my case there is less chance of being discovered because I have no family and few persons visit me. But, one never knows - the super, his helper Sam, a bill collector, the mailman. A holiday weekend is best also because it might be presumed I went someplace on vacation for the holiday."
"Now, where do I come in?"
"Later, dear Miss, later. Now I have other feelings." Dan reaches across with surprising speed for an old man and grabs Ali's right wrist. She, guessing his desire, stands as he does. And she can't help noticing his remarkable sexual erection. Usually in bed it takes work to get him up but not now. The talk, the heavy meat meal and the euphoria of the occasion help raise him ramrod pulsing stiff like she never saw before.
A common ignorance is that Morphine stops sex. Not so. Orgasm is enhanced, and - with the 2 mg dose - erection & ejaculation are unaffected. So sex gets better.
Dan keeps hold on Ali's wrist as they stand facing each other - wordless with excitement. Then with right hand he slaps her.
"Ooch, Dan! You are really into Sado, aintchya? Take it easy."
"He pulls her towards the sofa, sits and she, being into sado-masochism, or S-M as its fans call it, knows he wants to spank her. She cries - "No!, No! Please don't!" to excite him further and, after a minute, she is lying face down across his lap, her frontal sex cleavage stimulated by the poke of his sex.
"Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!"
"Oh, stop, Dan, please stop, it hurts bad. Please, no more!"
He dumps her, front up on the sofa, and she quickly opens thighs to take his lunges and after a minute feels warm semen and responds with vaginal spasms, giving out a cry of pleasure.
"Oh, Dan, I love it, love you, You are my Dan the Man."
They lie together quietly, each one feeling the after-orgasm pleasure. that Morphine gives. Both doze, lying together like a pair in a pod.
A few hours later, Dan sits facing her.
"Now I'll answer your question. You come in as my assistant and inheritor. So I shall start withdrawing the cash from my bank and handing it to you."
"Wow, Dan! That's kinda nice. But I'm not asking a reward to help you."
"I want you to have my money because I feel I am handing on a baton to a relay runner who is achieving what I approve in the race of individual lives through successive generations. Too many old persons die after saving much money for a purpose but the money ends up in the hands of thoughtless children or uncaring wife. In my case it would be a nephew of whom I do not approve."
"OK, I gotcha, Dan. I won't say no."
"And life insurance! I own a paid-up $100,000 policy. Also I just received Margaret's insurance into my bank account. My insurance will go to Ethical Culture. I don't want to make you my direct receiver of traceable money because it might excite suspicions.
"I would swallow the pills on a Friday of a holiday weekend. Here is where our dumbwaiter will come in useful. Nobody knows you visit me by using it. So, over that weekend I would want you to come up to see that nothing goes wrong. As a very old man it would not seem suspicious if I should any day now be found dead in bed. And you would make sure everything looks normal. Once you see I have stopped breathing with no pulse, you notify the super I am not answering your usual calls or knocks and he will go in and find me dead and report it, and, I guess, it will pass as the natural death of an old man. Is it satisfactory to you?"
"Yeah, Dan. Wow! Now what?"
"Now I want to eat the most unhealthy, delicious supper I ever yearned for. Then go to bed with you and do more sex, dear Miss."
"OK, Howzabout the Chinese takeout? And more Chianti, which I put in the fridge?"
Ali goes out for the eats while Dan stretches out on the sofa feeling so good he does not worry about anything. Events have turned out - for an old man who will soon die - a Mitzvah - a blessing in disguise.
Suicide should be painless, Dan thinks, slowly sinking into a morphine repose, and adds, And delayable. For next, click 12.35: Educate Brenda 2
Dan says, "'Painless' includes the mental pain of fear of the physical act."
"So that leaves only medicine that puts you to sleep, don't it?"
"Yes, my dear, I studied the question years ago. I spent time at the medical library."
"Yeah, and had you asked about how to make the suicide painless, they woulda put you in the mental ward."
"Exactly. Well, the best drug is phenobarbital. It is used as sleep pill, sedative, blood pressure medicine, and against epilepsy. Safe and inexpensive. Starting years ago, whenever I visited my physician, I collected the 15 mg phenobarbital pill prescriptions and now, if you look in the refrigerator, you'll see in the back bottles of many-hundreds of pills, which, under the cool, unlighted condition will be effective indefinitely. "
"But you would need to take a lot a 15 mg pills for the'barb to do what you want, nes pas?"
"Yes, my dear. Actually the death dose is not certain because - as you might guess - there have been no experiments. From studies of persons who have succeeded and others who have failed where the doses were known it is certain that 10 grams would be overkill."
"Ten grams! If you use 15 mg pills, that's a lot a pills for one try!"
"To be exact, it is six hundred-sixty-seven."
"How can you swallow so many? Won't they get vomited?"
"Yes, if you took them at once. But, keep in mind, the phenobarbital will take as long as three days before last breath of life - and after taking it one has several hours of consciousness. So even if I am alone I could swallow divided dose several times down to 100 pills at a time. A 15 mg pill is like the sprinkling on a cake."
Dan pauses and reaches his right hand across the table to Ali's left cheek. "Oh, my dear, I am feeling the Morphine. So pleasureful - in my wrists, knees, abdomen! Oh! Oh! It is hard to consider suicide when I feel so good."
Ali gets up, goes to Dan and stoops to hug his head to her chest. They have been sitting totally bare, as is their way on a hot July day alone. She knows his feeling; she had it once but now her feeling is changed because of tolerance from long use.
After a long silent hug, she goes back to her chair.
"OK, Dan. I get the picture, But where do I come in? And when?"
"My dear, dear Miss, I have thought a long time about everything that could go wrong. The first thing to keep in mind is that if I do not succeed, I shall not be able to accumulate the pills again and I shall be put in an institution. Also we have to consider the time factor. Phenobarbital works by getting into the blood from stomach and going to the brain and dimming the respiratory center so that breathing slows and, finally stops. From cases that have succeeded or failed, an outer limit of seventy-two hours should be given from swallowing the pills to final breath. Some have recovered by being discovered within the seventy-two hours and nursed back, So it is important it be done under conditions where I won't be missed.
"Seventy-two hours!" Ali exclaims. "Speaking about painless, don't that give you mental pain - what is happening during that time?"
"It will be like falling into deep sleep - nothingness, a blank. So if one succeeds and the blank nothingness of the coma-like sleep ends in death, it is like one has died the moment one falls asleep."
"But don't you worry you might get nightmares?"
"No, my dear, dreaming is a phenomenon of very light sleep - just before one wakes. Drug deep sleep is dreamless."
"If you say so, Dan. And as long as you're convinced - that's the important thing." Ali pauses. "Well then, it seems to me your best chance will be to do it at start of a long holiday weekend?"
"Precisely. In my case there is less chance of being discovered because I have no family and few persons visit me. But, one never knows - the super, his helper Sam, a bill collector, the mailman. A holiday weekend is best also because it might be presumed I went someplace on vacation for the holiday."
"Now, where do I come in?"
"Later, dear Miss, later. Now I have other feelings." Dan reaches across with surprising speed for an old man and grabs Ali's right wrist. She, guessing his desire, stands as he does. And she can't help noticing his remarkable sexual erection. Usually in bed it takes work to get him up but not now. The talk, the heavy meat meal and the euphoria of the occasion help raise him ramrod pulsing stiff like she never saw before.
A common ignorance is that Morphine stops sex. Not so. Orgasm is enhanced, and - with the 2 mg dose - erection & ejaculation are unaffected. So sex gets better.
Dan keeps hold on Ali's wrist as they stand facing each other - wordless with excitement. Then with right hand he slaps her.
"Ooch, Dan! You are really into Sado, aintchya? Take it easy."
"He pulls her towards the sofa, sits and she, being into sado-masochism, or S-M as its fans call it, knows he wants to spank her. She cries - "No!, No! Please don't!" to excite him further and, after a minute, she is lying face down across his lap, her frontal sex cleavage stimulated by the poke of his sex.
"Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!"
"Oh, stop, Dan, please stop, it hurts bad. Please, no more!"
He dumps her, front up on the sofa, and she quickly opens thighs to take his lunges and after a minute feels warm semen and responds with vaginal spasms, giving out a cry of pleasure.
"Oh, Dan, I love it, love you, You are my Dan the Man."
They lie together quietly, each one feeling the after-orgasm pleasure. that Morphine gives. Both doze, lying together like a pair in a pod.
A few hours later, Dan sits facing her.
"Now I'll answer your question. You come in as my assistant and inheritor. So I shall start withdrawing the cash from my bank and handing it to you."
"Wow, Dan! That's kinda nice. But I'm not asking a reward to help you."
"I want you to have my money because I feel I am handing on a baton to a relay runner who is achieving what I approve in the race of individual lives through successive generations. Too many old persons die after saving much money for a purpose but the money ends up in the hands of thoughtless children or uncaring wife. In my case it would be a nephew of whom I do not approve."
"OK, I gotcha, Dan. I won't say no."
"And life insurance! I own a paid-up $100,000 policy. Also I just received Margaret's insurance into my bank account. My insurance will go to Ethical Culture. I don't want to make you my direct receiver of traceable money because it might excite suspicions.
"I would swallow the pills on a Friday of a holiday weekend. Here is where our dumbwaiter will come in useful. Nobody knows you visit me by using it. So, over that weekend I would want you to come up to see that nothing goes wrong. As a very old man it would not seem suspicious if I should any day now be found dead in bed. And you would make sure everything looks normal. Once you see I have stopped breathing with no pulse, you notify the super I am not answering your usual calls or knocks and he will go in and find me dead and report it, and, I guess, it will pass as the natural death of an old man. Is it satisfactory to you?"
"Yeah, Dan. Wow! Now what?"
"Now I want to eat the most unhealthy, delicious supper I ever yearned for. Then go to bed with you and do more sex, dear Miss."
"OK, Howzabout the Chinese takeout? And more Chianti, which I put in the fridge?"
Ali goes out for the eats while Dan stretches out on the sofa feeling so good he does not worry about anything. Events have turned out - for an old man who will soon die - a Mitzvah - a blessing in disguise.
Suicide should be painless, Dan thinks, slowly sinking into a morphine repose, and adds, And delayable. For next, click 12.35: Educate Brenda 2
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