Slim Novel 15 - http://adventuresofkimi.blogspot.com - See Homepage
14. Death & Dying in Medical School
Eddie had learned about death from old Dan's - Cf 12.(46-51):
Deterioration, Death, Disposal, Denou... . Yet, the idea of his dying is a blank. He knows death intellectually but in his real world it does not exist.
The reality came on first day of medical school, entering the dissection room and seeing the stiffs. Calling these dead bodies stiffs shows how the students try to deny and downplay death's reality by joking. The idea that these stiffs were once persons and each student would some day be a stiff is too frightening.
Eddie thought a bit about this and then goes to Professor Edwardes and asks for a Sunday seminar on dying and death. Edwardes says, "Yes, my boy. But I do not announce the subject ahead. No one will show up for death."
First Sunday of month and everyone seated around the long, oval, mahogany table. Professor Edwardes stands for opening words: "Welcome to Seminar. Today we deal with dying and death. Why? Because medical student Eddie asked for it. Note I separate dying from death because, if you think about it, dying is a process while death is a state. Death is much wondered about and theorized over but not really feared, death's actual experience is absolutely unknown; it is dying we fear.
"I have with me Professor Paul Stanton who has spent his life studying and thinking about dying and death." Edwardes indicates the Professor, who sits on his left. "OK, questions?"
Everyone is surprised by the first question delivered in strong Irish accent "Misterr honorred, old Professorr, What will death feel like?" It is Sister Barbara seated midway down on Edwardes left in her usual Roman Catholic nun's bulky black garb.
"Sister, I appreciate more than anything that question from your esteemed person. It shows the humility I too feel in the face of a great unknown. I ought, as the philosopher Wittgenstein has advised, say nothing, but I cannot resist comment. I have tried hard to think what I might feel after I have been pronounced dead. The best is that it must be like the moment after you fall into a deep, dreamless sleep. And what is that? When I try to imagine it all I come up with is a ..........; a blank." The professor stops.
"What about near death experiences we hear or read about on radio and in newspapers?" Asks Sam the light-skin super's helper.
Dr Stan, an expert on dreaming, answers. "They are dreams and of no relevance to death because everyone who has them comes back alive to tell." And he adds "I'd be really impressed if for once, someone would come back or transmit back from after death."
"So you do not believe in ghosts, spirits and the like?" asks Xenia Green.
"The only ghost I believe is Casper, that friendly one." Stan quips.
Professor Stanton stands to speak. "I see from the few comments that nothing can describe death because death is, as I said, a blank that never unblanks. On the other hand we know dying well. If nothing else, we see it much in movies. Now I am old so I must face my dying in my not distant future. Let me tell about my changing attitude toward dying, which I have watched now over the years. I've studied attitudes on dying by age. so I think my own are typical.
"As a child I had no idea people died. If I happened to see or was told, I simply guessed they had gone away.
"As a young fellow, I knew people died and were said to not exist for a future but I simply did not take it seriously.
"In my 30's I'd experienced death in my family or among friends and I was thoroughly terrified of it and the less said the better.
"In my 40's, with a career and responsibilities I started worrying I would die too soon and I wasted much time and money on doctors.
"Gradually as I age now and everyone I know is dying off, my fear of dying is going away. Yes, I'd rather not die right now - a few things still I'd like to do and see, and the eating is still good but I am now getting a bit bored with my time so I am ambivalent. If I had a pain in my chest and I was alone by a telephone, I would not call for assistance. I'd hope for a swift exit.
"Then there are my thoughts about dying that are positive. I do not mind admitting I have not paid my income tax in years - just gave up filing. And somehow the authorities have not yet got around to me. But it worries me. And as I get very old, a comforting feeling is Well soon I am going to die. And I think Thank my atheist heaven! Death will be an escape from the tax collector."
He continues. "So you see, there are dire events to avoid in an old life that make one look forward to death. Staying alive is, progressively, less desired once one has done what one wanted and has lost one's family and friends and same generation." He sits.
"What about immortality - the fountain of youth?" Asks Joe the painter. "I hear a lot of wise guys on radio and TV about that."
Professor Edwardes takes that. "It is stupid. Death is part of life; you cannot remove it. We are too much concentrated on our individuality; we forget we are part of a larger organism - a species. Each individual is a cog in the life of its species, serving a function. As he wears out he needs to be replaced. And when too many cogs get produced as we see now with overpopulation, the species runs into trouble. Then, three cheers for death. The problem is to make dying less disturbing."
Dr. Stan takes it: "It has been done by our anesthesiologists. Anyone who has been put to sleep before an operation has, I believe, experienced what dying into death is like. Those who recall: in one instant you see the anesthetist bending over your arm and starting the injection. Then, for you, all is blank until you become conscious maybe several hours later. The only difference between that and what will be your actual death," - Dr Stan slowly scans the seminarans, who hang on his every word around the table, - "is that, as the anesthesia wears off you come back to consciousness. With death it is only and always blank." He stops, almost aghast at the enormity of the blankness he is evoking.
Professor Edwardes, trying to lighten the heavy-heavy moment quips "Shall we go out on that, folks?" He stops suddenly, thinks and then, "Alright, Nicola! Time for wine and pizza and pasta!" Nicola hurries out and a minute later, to the enormous relief of everyone, a feasting begins, and no one wants to talk further about the subject of the the seminar.
Is this a typical seminar? Yes. Questions are not always answered; rather they are raised, often for the first time, and the attendees - the seminarans - may be stimulated to creativity. In this case it is Professor Edwardes and Eddie who are most stimulated and one day a denouement will come of it.
For next, click 15.(15-17) Eddie's Life Outside Medical School
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